Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
