I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
