I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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