forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
