I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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