I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Randomize
