wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
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I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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