Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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