the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
