if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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