i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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