I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
