you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
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I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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