Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i've created a new STD.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
