so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
