That's intense
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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