Kareoke will never be a sober sport
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
