I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
