we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
