Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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