Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
