i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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