Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
