Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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