considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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