I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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