Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
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