Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
