We're like a lot better than the average bears
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Found your dick twin last night
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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