I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
