If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
