there was a trapeze. enough said
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
