Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
