So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
