I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
