Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
