Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
