jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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