Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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