Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
