just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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