Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
