My liver just broke up with me...
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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