My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
4 words: hood of his car
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
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you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
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Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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