We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
