i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
