I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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