i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
