I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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