We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
