drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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