clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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