I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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