I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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