Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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