Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
