sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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