I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
