Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
