forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
