and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
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Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
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I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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