Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
