**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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