She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
